Friday, June 8, 2012

The Case of the Two Gay Roommates Part III: The one with the prank


I had decided that I was not going to put up with Carson’s shit much longer. He was driving me up the wall, with his constant bitching and condescending attitude. I had come to realize that not only was he annoying, narcissistic, and many other things, but now he was a liar. I don’t even remember what exactly it was that I first discovered him lying about, because there were too many to count.
                          
Lying is my pet peeve. I will not even lie to save my own ass. I cannot stand it, among other things. And Carson was rounding out the top ten. Just his general personality. He was a constant rule follower, or at least when it was convenient to him to use rules to try to make you do what he wants.

If it was not his way then he would just be a little bitch, but still he was not gay. I still did not believe what my brother had told me (that he was gay). My gay-dar did not register anything with him.

Carson was one of the most paranoid people that I have ever met, which made him one of the easiest to scare. John and I especially loved to scare him. I did it mostly because I knew it drove him up the wall, my little way of punishing him for being such a douche, and it was funny as hell to watch him react. At first, he would jump back, and then grab at his chest as if he was having a heart attack, then bitch about it and tell me to “STOP!”, and then he would either laugh about it or continue bitching.

One night Zach, John, and I were hanging out in Zach’s room with his and John’s friend Molly. Molly and I, never really got along, mostly because she was too emotional and I enjoyed being a dick-head to her. Not to mention there for a while John and I were convinced that she had one of those Super Mario warp pipe things in Zach’s room. But we were putting our differences aside tonight, and were all having a good old time. Carson had gone to bed, because he had an early class in the morning.

Apparently, we were being loud, because Carson came out of his room and asked us to be quiet, before he went to the bath room. I think either John or I had scared him already when he first got up, so let’s go with me. He was in the bathroom for a long time, and we decided on a plan to scare the living shit out of him. I told John that he should go and hide under Carson’s bed while he was in the bathroom and wait until he lays back down and gets really comfy and about to go back to sleep and either A.) Sneak out and just stand over him and scare the shit out of him that way (maybe having to shake him a little) or B.) Just shake the hell out of the bed and start screaming and stuff. No matter what he did, it was going to scare the shit out of him.

John got under his bed, and then Carson came out. I was so excited; this was going to be epic. Instead of going directly back to bed, he came to Zach’s room and started talking. He sat there for a while talking to us, while John was texting us asking where he was. I texted him and told him to, “Hold your position.  I got a plan.” I texted the other two conspirators, Molly and Zach, and told them that I was “going to go to bed and they get back to work on homework.”

I wasn’t going to bed, and I don’t even know that they were working on homework. It worked and after a few minutes of standing around while they worked on their ‘home work’ Carson decided that he too was going to bed. (Never underestimate the power of boredom to an AD/HD kid, oh yeah Carson was AD/HD.) They came to my room and we pressed our ears against the wall in anticipation.

It took him remarkably long to get back in bed, but then we heard it. “WHAHAJAFUC HOL SHI WHATHFUCK!” Followed by John’s laughter with us joining in. And then Carson calling John a, asshole-son-of-a-bitch-bastard. It was very funny, and took another two hours to get Carson to go back to his room and go to sleep as we all sat around in the living room talking about it for that long.

We wanted to know what John had been doing all that time, which turned out to be a lot; twirled his thumbs, talked on the phone, texted us, played a game on his phone, wished he would have brought a Gameboy, plundered a bit through Carson’s stuff, twirled his thumbs.  Then we asked John what took so long once Carson got into the room. Apparently Carson was just walking around for a bit talking to himself, picking music to listen to while still mumbling to himself, setting his alarm clock while yet again still mumbling to himself. What the fuck was he mumbling to himself? He also got a phone call I believe. I found it strange when John said all of this Carson wanted to know if he heard any of it, which he didn’t. But eventually John seen the perfect opportunity and grabbed Carson’s foot and tried to snatch it under the bed.

It took us a while, but we finally got Carson to go to bed. Not after plenty of annoyances though. First, he wanted us to check under his bed, I say us but it was mostly Zach who he wanted to. Then he wanted Zach to sleep in there with him. By this time I had gotten annoyed and about went off on him, because I did not get why he was being such a little bitch for. But Zach being the nice guy that he is agreed to sleep in his floor.

I had noticed that he and Zach had been spending a lot of time together, since that night. They would just sit in his room talking or just being around each other. I had written it off, but it did bother me because I felt my best friend was replacing me, with him.

Zach and I took a trip home for the weekend. I don’t really know when we took this car ride, but it was toward the beginning of the semester. It was late August early September.  But during our car ride, which was one of the few times we were alone and able to talk like the good old days. I told him that I had noticed that he and I was growing apart and that Carson and he were growing closer together.

I had felt a distance from him for a while and for two guys who used to share the same bedroom that is saying something. Usually when he or I had a problem, we would consult the other, but since the semester had been progressing, I had felt that the flame of our friendship was slowly going out. I thought I was losing by best friend, and to him. Zach reassured me that nothing like that was happening. Carson was going through stuff, and confided in Zach.

I blew it all off, and reassured myself that Zach and I were still good. He had pointed out the fact that I had been distant too, which I had. I was going through a lot, my parents were moving from my childhood home, I was still depresses, and I had been focusing my attention to school.

It was nice, it just being the two of us; it was like old times back in our old dorms. We had started off living there with two other guys, who shared the other room. By the end of the semester, it was pretty much just Zach and me because one of the guys had found a girlfriend early in the year and pretty much unofficially moved in with her by midterms of first semester. The other guy lasted a bit longer, but by midterms of second semester, he had all but moved in with one of his friends whose apartment’s location allowed him to sleep a little later and party a little more. So it was just Zach and I for the most part of second semester. I don’t know why one of us never moved into the other bedroom, I guess it just felt like a violation of the other two’s unoccupied space.

After that car ride and the one back to Savannah, I had reassured myself that everything was going to be okay. That I was not going to lose my best friend to him. No matter what happened, Zach and I were going to be fine, which was good because I tend to get attached to people. That is part of the reason that I do not like to let people into my friend zone, because if I let them in then I care about them. And if I care about them then they can more easily hurt you. But I never worried about Zach hurting me; he never seemed like the kind of person who would. He was the nice guy. I on the other hand, was the dick-head. I would tell you how I felt in an instant and took some perverse pleasure in making people feel like crap.

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