Sweet Home Alabama

Have you ever had someone from another place move into your neighborhood. If the simply come from a different city, they are a bit strange. But if they come from a different state, or even country, they are all together weird. Now imagine their point of view, you are so much stranger than them.


My parents moved to Alabama a couple of years ago. I had always wondered what it would be like to live in the country. Well when my parents up and moved to Alabama, they didn't move to the country, they moved to the freaking sticks.

There are some good things and some bad things about living over there. It is a strange place. I am sure that everyone has been to one of these places. A place where it seems like they do everything wrong, or at least wrong compared to how you are used to them being. But no matter how wrong they do things in this place, you can't help loving it in some way.

Where my parents moved, is one of these places. It is a place almost lost in time. Here is a list of some of the things I either love of hate about this place.

1. Cell phone service: I tell people when they ask where is my parents house located that if you look at the Alabama/Georgia state line on the Verizon wireless coverage map, that there is a big blob of coverage with a little hole in it of no coverage. My parents live exactly in the middle of that hole. This sucks!
2. The town: What town? There is really nothing here. Downtown looks like its former residents said fuck it after the Great Depression. But for a history nerd like me, this is a good thing. There is nothing like going to a real segregated lunch counter for a history lesson.
3. The 'BIG' Wal-Mart: When my parents were moving over here, my aunt told them about the infamous Wal-Mart. It may be the largest commercial building in the whole county, but it still has only one door. But none the less, I must applaud the locals, because they are extremely loyal to their Wal-Mart. I also must give it up for Wal-Mart themselves, I would have never put a store in this podunk town. 
4. The night life: I could not decide whether this is a like or dislike, because I mostly put it on here to say this: THERE IS NO NIGHT LIFE!
5. Trade Day!!!: Oh this is one of my favorites. The locals over here have this thing called 'Trade Day.' Essentially they bring all of their junk to this old abandoned yarn mill and let their neighbors pick through it and try to find something they like. Although the name is a bit of a misnomer., because I have never actually seen anyone trade one item for another, only for money. But hey one of my favorite things to do is plunder through people's shit, so I love Trade Day. And the best part is that these people don;t even get mad that I am plundering through their stuff. The only downside is that if you want to get anybody's good junk, you have to wake up at the butt-crack of dawn.
6. The local church: The people at the local church that my parents went to were amazing. It was like one giant large rather medium sized family. There was gossiping, feuding, and love just like an actual family. The best part of it though was the people. They are overall good people. The only downside was that I am not religious, so it was utterly pointless in my eyes. But to even that out, there was always the comic relief to look forward to. I swear to God-which-I-do-not-believe-in that one time when the preacher asked if anyone had to add to the announcements, that someone stood up and said, "I do. I have a goat for sale." It was the highlight of my church experience.
7. The people: From what I have gathered, most of the people over there are rather nice, homely, down-to-earth people. I love the laid back attitude that permeated through every pore of the people over there. The only problem though is that aside from what little bit of family I have over here, I really do not know any of the other villagers. 
8. Directions: Have you ever noticed how people in different places give directions in different ways. In the UK they give directions in kilometers. In the US, since we are desperately clinging ahold of the imperial system, we give directions in mile. Well, in Alabama, they give directions in localized land marks. These are not land marks that everyone should know or can figure out, like a big red barn, but instead they are 'historic' landmarks. Not to long after my parents moved over here, my dad stopped to ask for directions. I swear to god, someone told him to turn by where 'grandpa' had that flat tire. 
9. 'Grandpa': I do not personally know who this mythical 'Grandpa' feller is, but I sure as hell would love to meet him. I mean from what I have gathered he is like the Moses of Alabama. Apparently he is every body's  grandpa over here. It is so cool to think of a whole group of people being the inbred descendants of a single old man, resulting in the cast of Deliverance.
10. Trash pickup: We had never had garbage pick up where my oarents used to live, and they kind of do not have it over here either. They have to have garbage pick up, it is like the law or something over here. But instead of the county hiring actual garbage man, or as small as the town is a garbage man, they got Steve. I have no clue of this is his actual name, but every Thursday morning, this man win a pickup truck with a wooden cage thing built onto it comes by and gets my parents garbage. I honestly have no clue where the hell Steve comes from, or where he goes with our trash, but it seems like some great adventure that I would love to investigate. (Just thing of this as a title: The Great Adventures of Steve the Pseudo Garbage Man). 
11. Preserves: Before my parents moved over here, I had never had fruit preserves before, or any preserves for that matter. When I say fruit preserves I don't mean the crap you by from the one doored Wal-Mart down the street, I mean homemade sweet goodness. I have fallen in love with something called homemade muscadine jelly.  I could eat a whole jar by itself. There is also something called 'Homemade Ketchup.' Oh My God! This stuff is delicious goodness. 

Ultimate Favorite Thing About This Strange Little Place:

The stars. Coming from what is called the 'Big City' compared to this place, I have never really seen stars. Well I had always thought I had, those little dots in the sky. But the first night I ever spent over here, I went outside and looked up. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I seen billions of little flecks of light suspended high above my head in the heavens. I felt like what I imagine it was like for the first man who ever noticed the stars. It was pure brilliance.