Oh Krispy Kreme Donuts, You Have Failed Me For The Last Time!

I had went home last weekend, mostly to do some laundry and get money. But I also enjoyed seeing my mum and dad, and my adorable chihuahua Biscut. Although he is a pain in the ass sometimes, I do love him very much. Even when he bites my ankles or nips at my fingers (liitle bastard).

Sunday afternoon my mum and I were heading back to Carrollton (Oh Boy!) and after going most of the ride in complete silence (awkward), we finally decided to stop at Walmart to get me some much needed supplies and rations of Great Value frosted wild berry toaster pastries and Sam's Cola (yeah I'm to cheap to buy the name brand stuff). Well after getting the essentials, and a can opener and some tweezers, we were standing in the checkout line. 

My mum leaves me standing there waiting in line all by myself (like I have the money to actually pay for this stuff, I'm a broke ass college student!). Well she shortly returns (thank god!). In her hand is a box of her's and mine favorite donuts. The amazing, oh so delicious, glorious, running out of adjectives to describe how much I really do love these doughnuts, the one and only Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced Custard Filled Doughnut. I do not even know why exactly they are called doughnuts, they do not have a hole in the center like your average doughnut. These are special doughnuts, only doughnuts by exception. These are pastries of the gods. 

Well we checked-out (actually she checked-out, again broke ass college student) and we returned to the car. Before we even arrived at the car my mouth was already drooling a little awaiting the utter goodness that is the Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced Custard Filled Doughnut. I through my crap that I needed in the back, I could hardly wait until I was able to bite into one of those little pastry slices of heaven. I got into the car and my mum was already opening the box. 

There is nothing better than a fresh Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced Custard Filled Doughnut. These are the thing that dreams are made of, or at least orgasms. It is pure exctasy in your mouth. I am sure that everyone has a food that makes them have a foodgasm (food-orgasm). If I had to choose only one, this would be mine (or at least will suffice until I find another food that I really do enjoy, oh crap, General Tso chicken from the Chinese restaurant back home.) Okay for the moment, and purposes of this post, Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced Custard Filled Doughnut is the only food that causes me to foodgasm. Well what Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced Custard Filled Doughnut does not know will not hurt her. She does not know that I am having affairs with at least 30 different other foods, that all cause me to have just as good of a foodgasm as her, if not better. (but shoo don't tell her).

Okay, back on topic. I had not even fully buckled my seat belt (always buckle up, especially if a women is driving!) before my mum got the box open. And I was excited. I got one out and was so excited to tear into this thing like a ravenous beast that has not eaten in a millennium. I took my first bite and....

This was such a let down. They were cold Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced Custard Filled Doughnuts. The only thing worst than a cold Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced Custard Filled Doughnut, is no Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced Custard Filled Doughnut. They are not like their more Doughnutty cousin the regular Krispy Kreme doughnut. Those things are delicious no matter what. But this was such a let down. I mean it was still good. I'm not that picky of an eater, but I was expecting greatness and I got an average run of the mill doughnut. Again, I debate with myself whether these things should be actually called doughnuts or not. But after this mediocre pile of non foodgasmic shit, I would say they are not doughnuts based on default. 

A doughnut is supposed to raise you pleasure quota to such a great amount that the only thing that you can recon it to is a full blown orgasm (hence the foodgasm). But this think failed to do that. The debate of what physically characterizes a doughnut, does a doughnut have a hole or not. And if such hole does not exist then is the said individual a simple pastry? But what ever, this debate of doughnut theory and characteristics is way to complex for this post, I will leave that to the doughnutologists. But I vote that Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced Custard Filled Doughnut should not be labeled a doughnut anymore because of the lack of a foodgasm that I experienced when having relations with this simple pastry. 

Damn you Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced Custard Filled Doughnut, all I wanted was a simple foodgasm and you failed me. No wonder I cheat on you so much!!!!