Peter Pan-da

When I was in sixth grade, I went on a trip with my school to Washington, D. C.. It was a pretty cool trip, I enjoyed it a lot. The only downside of it was that I went on the trip in 2002, after 9/11, so we did not do a good bit of the stuff that was on our itinerary. We were supposed to go to the Capitol, and I think the White House, but apparently they were afraid that a bunch of sixth graders were going to commit some act of terrorism that would devastate our country.

I really do not know what type of a terrorist attack that a sixth grader could orchestrate and successfully pull off. But in hindsight, I guess I can some what see how a bunch of sixth graders are like terrorists. They are always screwing up stuff. They scare the shit out of most people (or at least me). But enough digression.

Well one of the thing that I was super excited about was going to the National Zoo and seeing the pandas. I know I live in metro Atlanta, Georgia and they also had pandas, but apparently my parents did not believe in  culturizing (don't think that is a word, YET!) my brother and I. The only time I have ever been to Zoo Atlanta was before I was even in school. I went with my daycare, and I barely remember any of that. I do remember seeing Willie B., Some what of a legend in these parts.

Willie B. was a silverback Gorilla who lived at Zoo Atlanta for 39 years, from 1961 until his death in 2000 (age 41). When he died he was the oldest Gorilla in the United States to have fathered offspring. But see, the problem with this nifty zoo experience is that I am not even sure that I even seen Willie B.. I mean Gorillas pretty much all look the same, at least to a small child they do. So I could of seen random Gorilla X, and I would have thought it was Willie B.. But again, enough digression.

We went to the National Zoo and I got to see the pandas. They were so cool. I remember it took me a while to find their enclosure. And then once I finally found the damn thing, it took me forever to actually see the pandas. You would think that a big as black and white animal would have stuck out like a sore thumb, but nope. It did not help matters how their encloser is layed out. I mean there is this giant ass gap between the people and the pandas. But once I finally did locate the little buggers it was worth the hassle. They were the coolest thing that I had ever seen. One of them was all kicked back on these two tree branches (think of a dude layed back in a recliner, because apparently two branches is natures La-Z-Boy) eating some bamboo. He was just chilling, apparently he did not get the memo that he was at work.

Tian Tian from the National Zoo.
Now just imagine him sprawling out like this on a branch hammock of some sort

But from that moment on, I have been in love with pandas (and many other random animals). I mean who can really blame me. They are just so freaking cool. I guess it is the rarity of them that makes them so great. I imagine them as like the pot heads of the animal kingdom. Like that one panda at the National Zoo, just chilling eating, or if your more imaginative smoking, some green (bamboo).

This is not me, but it is what I imagine having a pet panda would be like.

I have always just dreamed of having a pet panda. I would name him Peter. Good ol' Peter Panda! See what I did there. But I know that I would never get the chance to have a little panda for myself. Which is probably good, because where the hell would I get all the bamboo that Peter would eat. I live in Georgia, not China. We don't have huge forests of bamboo like China is beginning not to have (Hooray for deforestation!). Although when I lived in Savannah for two years I discovered that they apparently have some Bamboo Farm there (if anyone knows of this mystical Bamboo Farm, and more importantly knows why the hell there is a Bamboo Farm in Savannah, Georgia please let me know).

This leads to my second reason I would never have a chance to have a little panda all of my own. If you didn't know they are apparently EXTREMELY endangered, and China prizes them like they are a freaking golden egg or something. Which really makes me question the Chinese, because if this creature means so much to your country, why would you allow their habitat to be destroyed in the first place which is a major reason that they are so endangered. It really makes me question their motives for prizing this amazing animal to the extent that they do (Click Here for an article about "Panda Diplomacy").

Little not Peter Panda

Well I had finally quit dreaming of having my own pet panda. That is unless I some how become a zoo in a country that China wants to improve relations with (again see link above). I had almost forgot all about little Peter Panda, I would only dream about him every now and then. Then one day, when I was a senior in high school, one of my friends told me that she was going to of all places China with the school. Other than being a little annoyed that I was not going to China, or did even know that I could of went to China, I was full of excitement, especially when she was going to go and see the pandas!

She had to raise most, if not all, of the money herself (aside from the part I assume her parents contributed). So she would carry around this cool little piggy bank and panhandle her friends for money. Well I was VERY excited! So I ended up giving her way more money than looking back I ever should have, on one condition. I told her I wanted a souvenir, a rather particular and special souvenir (I will give you a hint: it is black and white). I wanted a baby panda! And she said okay! I was finally going to get my good ol' little Peter Panda. Well it came time for her to go on her trip, and I made sure to remind her of our arrangement. And again she said alright.

I think she was gone for two weeks and I was growing happier and happier. I know it was kind of delusional of me to think that she was ever going to pull this one off, but I was drunk with panda lust. Well then she came back, and I was so excited. I could not wait all day until seventh period, so that I could see her and get little Peter.

To my great surprise and excitement she had a baby panda! It was at first glance the cutest thing I have ever seen. But then I got close. I no longer had to worry about how I was going to feed and care for Peter, because the only thing he ate was stuffing and only required a gently washing every year or so. It was not a real baby panda, as I had been rather redundant in specifying that I wanted, it was a damn stuffed animal. She did tell me that it was around the same size as the little cubs, though (Oh, boy!). Other than having the inclination to throw the damn thing down and pitch a fit like a five year old in Wal-Mart whose mom want by him that new toy. I also wished that I had understood that when she had said "okay;" that it was an acknowledging "okay, not an agreeing "okay."

The stuffed animal resembled this little feller.

I guess it was a nice gesture to get me the little stuffed panda. But I did kind of get my hopes up for gold and ended up striking pyrite (fools gold). But I do still have Peter "The Stuffed" Panda. I guess it is probably for the best though. Pandas are beautiful amazing creatures, and they deserve the right to be treated like so.

 I don't even know that if China was not so damn greedy with there bad-ass stoner bears, that I would have one. And that is also assuming that they were not endangered almost to the point of extinction like they are. 

Pandas are wild animals, and they deserve to be treated as such. They deserve the same respect and freedom that all animals deserve. I have always found it rather interesting and paradoxical that humans what freedom and respect from other humans. But humans are themselves only pretty nifty animals. Essentially, we want other animals to respect our freedoms and individuality, but we fail time and time again at respecting other animals, even other humans, right to be free and individuals. Just figured I would end this with something to think about.

So what are some of yall's weird animal fantasies?