Since before this story began, I had a subtle desire for
my family. After winter break though, my subtle desire had turned to deep
longing. The only real thing that had kept me from transferring schools was
knowing that at least I had my best friend, Zach, in Savannah. The demise of our
friendship was the final straw, cementing my decision to transfer schools. For the
most part, following the soda bottle incident, Zach and I had gotten along. We
did not speak to one another, which helped out a lot. I will not lie and say
everything was peachy, there was a decent amount of tension; the same as if you
forced Obi-Wan and Darth Vader to live together. However, I was determined to
keep the peace my last few months in Savannah. On virtually every occasion that
a problem did arise, I took the high road. I refused to put my friends in the
middle of our feud and allow them to be pawn in our game, as Zach and Carson had.
I knew that is what would happen if I retaliated. Our de facto arrangement of universal indifference toward one another
and my Gandhi-like nature worked brilliantly. There was less than a week left
in the school year, I only had one final in Statistics, and an oral
presentation for my Spanish class left. The rest of my classes had already had
their finals, and by Tuesday I would be finished with this year from hell.
After the year I had, I decided that I wanted to go out with a bang; one last
celebration of the good times, before I left Savannah for good. Posting about
this exodus on a Facebook countdown till I left had caused me some problems. I
only had six more days left and I posted a status celebrating this and saying,
“I want to go out with a bang.” When Carson saw this status—via a minion he had
created for Farmville since I had blocked both Zach and him—he took it literal
and freaked. He and Zach reported my misread terroristic threat to housing and
subsequently I was reported to University Police. It was their last diabolical attempt
to screw me, before I was freed from my own personal hell. I had already talked
to two UPD officers the morning of my Statistics final, when they woke me to
make sure I was not going to go homicidal. Then met with the Director of
Housing after my final, during which I refused to promise him not to harm
myself, anyone else, or their property. Because of this refusal, he wanted me
to speak with the Chief of Police the next day.
In the morning, I woke well rested, even though I barely
slept. I had my usual feeling of dread at first, but then remembered that the
cause of my dread no longer lived under the same roof. When Zach and Carson had
reported me to Housing, they were forced to move out—for their protection. There
was no one left to cause me strife, and a state of bliss fell over me like I
had not felt in almost a year. The ecstasy was short lived, as I remembered
what lay ahead of me today. In my sheer delight of having inadvertently rid my
apartment of the gruesome twosome, I had absentmindedly forgot about my Spanish
oral presentation that day and scheduled to meet with the University Police Chief
during the allotted time for our class to meet. I had made the decision to go
to my Spanish class, my grades were more important than that crap, and hoped
that the Chief understood.
There was no strict order to the presentations, but a couple
of groups had already talked to our professor and arranged to go first. I only
hoped that I could get finished in time. As I sat there, wishing that they
would hurry the hell up, my phone began to vibrate in my pocket. I had fifteen
minutes until it was time for my meeting with the Chief. When the second group
finished, my hand shot up when the professor asked, “Who will go next.” I had
already talked to her at the beginning of class and told her I would not be
able to sit through the entirety of the presentations, but she saw another
groups hand first. When they finished ten minutes had already passed and I told
the professor I had to go next. Halfway through my presentation my phone began
to vibrate in my pocket. My scheduled time had come, and I was not there. I
could only imagine the vicious psychotic rampage the Chief would assume I was
now going on. Maybe acting slightly like
a maniac yesterday when I talked to the Director was not such a good idea. As
I was finishing my presentation, I felt my phone vibrated again. This time I
recognized the prolonged series of short buzzes as signifying it was a phone
call, followed by a brief pause and one final long buzz signifying the caller
had left a voicemail. Oh crap, they’re
sending out the hounds.
I quickly wrapped up my presentation and then as courteously
as I could, left the classroom. The moment I got out the door, I checked my
phone and my suspicions were correct; one missed call and a voice mail. The
voicemail was at best an attempt to scare me if I had skipped out on them, but
I called the number back and told them I was on my way, and luckily the Chief
was willing to wait on me. I began walking at a pace befitting of an Olympic
champion in speed walking to the station. When I arrived, I announced myself to
the clerk sitting at a desk behind a thick pane of glass before taking a seat
in the isolated waiting room. I was thankful for the wait, it allowed me to
collect myself and wipe the sweat that had accumulated on my brow from the
spring humidity.
I have done nothing wrong. Yet! Even if I haven’t, they think I have. When
is he going to call me back there, the more I sit here, the more I really do
start to think of homicide, and what I want to do to them. Strangling, the life
slowly leaving his eyes. Stop! You can’t allow your thoughts to betray you. No
matter how much you want to kill them, he can’t know it, or else it will ruin
your plan. Inhale, I do not want to harm Zach and Carson. Hold, I do not want
to harm or maim Zach and Carson. Exhale, I do not want to harm, maim, or kill
Zach and Carson. Inhale, all I want is— a sharp metallic clank jutted me
back to reality. The solid metal interior door opened from behind and a man,
dressed in understated slacks and white dress shirt of a senior officer,
stepped forward. The golden shield he proudly wore on his belt immediately
caught my eye. He must be the Chief. Stay
calm!
The Chief was older and thinner man than the Director was. His
face was thin and papery, with a forehead larger than it once was and grey hair
on top of his head with only traces of the brown of his mustache and brow. His
dark piercing eyes hid behind a pair of golden round spectacles that
highlighted his overall rodential face and gave him a wise and well understanding
appearance, maybe a beaver. We walked down a long hall, before coming to a door
with a placard noting it the office of the University Police Chief. The office
was spacious and well organized, much nicer that the half hazard office of the
Director, with many plaques and commendations from a long successful career.
There was a desk on one side of the door, with a half-eaten sandwich from the
lunch I obviously interrupted and a rectangular table over to the other side,
which the Chief directed me to sit at. The Chief sat silent a moment, staring
directly at me with his dark piercing eyes, seeing right through me. In a
well-educated voice he said, “I want to start off by saying the purpose of this
interview is to decide what actions need to be taken, and anything you say can
and will be used against you if I see fit to bring charges against you. Do you
understand?”
“Yes sir,” I responded, “and I would like to thank you for
telling me that up front.” I was serious, I appreciated his candor, even if he
was telling me he was going to cuff me himself if I misspoke.
“So what’s been going on?” asked the Chief in a less formal
voice.
“Well I guess I need to start at the beginning, if that
is alright.”
“Sounds like the natural place to start,” joked the Chief.
I
don’t know why, but I like this guy. It is probably some well ingrained Jedi mind
trick from the academy, but I am going to go with it. More
relaxed than before, I said, “Well it all started almost a year ago…” and I
could tell I had his attention. I told him the abridged version of the story
that I have told you to this point, only leaving out the few self-incriminating
details. “…And that leaves me here with you,” I finished. I assume he was
stunned, I had summed up a whole year long story into a five minute blurb.
Then he said, “So what about your Facebook post?”
“Honestly, I really don’t even really remember posting it,
but I assure you I did not intend for it to be taking this far, nor did I mean
it the way it was taken.”
“I see,” he said calmly.
“I just meant I wanted to have fun. Enjoy my last few days
here. After all that, I still don’t want to see any real harm come to either of
them. I mean sure I would love to see them stump their toe or break their arm,
or even have their breaks go out and get into a car crash and get seriously
hurt, but that does not mean that I want to be the one who cuts the line.”
“I see, then why didn’t you just tell the Housing Director
that?” he asked.
“I tried to but my words failed me. I don’t know why I can’t
promise to not do anything. For some strange reason I have very deep morals and
hate liars. And after all this crap, I was afraid that if I was to run into
them and they say something I might go off on them and hurt them, or their’s or
y’all’s property, or even myself,” I said, “I mean, I don’t know what two
minutes from now will bring and I am not going to make any promise if I am not
certain that it won’t get broken.”
“I see,” he said again.
“I mean come on, the semester is almost over, in a few days
my mum and brother are coming to help me move so I can be closer to my family.
I love my family deeply and miss them more than anything. Also, the past five
months have been hell for me, do you really think that I would be stupid enough
to jeopardize being able to spend the summer with them, and get out of here and
being able to transfer schools and be closer to them. Do you really think that
I would jeopardize all of that just to see two assholes pay? I would be an
idiot to risk that and my entire future just for them two,” I said.
“So you are transferring?” he asked.
“Yep, this is my last few days in Savannah. I have come to
love this city, this school, the friends I have made her,” I said, “I would
never do anything to screw up my last few days here with my friends. And if I
was to do anything it would only cause problems for John. Pretty much
everything I have did has been to protect him. If I retaliated now, it would
have all been in vein. At this point, I’m
through with them and their childish games. I really don’t see how they have
achieved anything. I have won, and I did not even try.”
“What do you mean, you have won?” the Chief asked.
“I mean that I am able to enjoy my last few days here in
this city I love at this school, with my friends, without them being around. I
would never do anything to risk me losing that, and the other stuff.”
“I see, so why are you transferring? Is it just to get away
from Zach and Carson, or another reason?” asked the Chief, genuinely curious.
“Partially to get away from them, but because I want to be
closer to my family is the main reason. Zach was just the last straw. And now I
guess I have John, but I had already made up my mind.”
“Hmh, I see. I wish there was something I could do to change
your mind,” said the Chief, then noticing me shaking my head, “but I can tell
there isn’t. I do understand you wanting to be closer to your family, but I did
not want you to leave because of your experience with them two. Armstrong is
not all like that, we are an up and coming university that is trying to build
to the future, and I hate that they gave you the impression otherwise,” he said.
Then continuing talking about improvements to AASU, why he was drawn to
Armstrong as a place to semi-retire (mainly being Savannah itself), protocols
he has enacted since taking the job as Chief to help better the University and
protect its students and their futures. If he had not already had a successful
career in law enforcement, he probably could have had a decent one in sales. He is right. Armstrong is a great school,
and Savannah a great city. Then it hit me, damn it, I have been telling myself I want to be closer to home,
knowing good and well wherever I go for the summer will not be home. I am
leaving what has become a home to me to rediscover a home I once knew.
After listening to the Chief talk for about ten minutes, I
finally said, “I have to ask, just to put myself at ease, am I in trouble or
anything. I mean I would hate to have a pleasant conversation with you and then
I go to leave and you be like, ‘hold up, you’re under arrest.’”
The Chief slightly laughed then said, “Oh my bad, I forgot,
I got wrapped up in the conversation. No, I don’t think that you meant anything
by it. Bang is one of those words that in our heightened state of security we
tend to forget that it has alternate meanings, like bomb for example.” I
figuratively scratched my head trying to think of any different meaning of the
word bomb, while the Chief continued,
“Say you’re in an airport and you hear the word bomb, coming from a young
person what is the first thing you think of?”
“Buddy Row has a bomb,” I answered.
“Exactly. In the post 9/11 world we are programmed to think
that. But depending on the context he could have just been saying something was
‘the bomb.’”
Then I remembered running around in the 90’s as a child
declaring everything I perceived as cool ‘the
bomb.’ TSA agents would swarm poor Modern children if they ever made that exclamation.
I said, “I’m glad that you realize that and don’t think I’m crazy or
something.”
“No. It was already a bad situation and you, not thinking,
posted an innocent comment on Facebook that got blown out of proportion. The
new Housing Director is just too green in these matters to deal these matters,”
said the Chief.
“And I did not help by refusing to promise him not to harm
property, myself, or anyone else,” I said, “and for all he knew I was nutters
and was going to go all homicidal the minute I left him.”
“No you didn’t. You got to be careful with what you say, how
you say it, and to who you say it.”
“I realize that now,” I said laughing a little, “So you
don’t think I’m nuts?”
“No, not at all. I’ve trained with the FBI and have learned
to read people’s behavior and I realized that you were fine after about five
minutes and nothing you have said or did while we have been talking has given
the slightest hint at you being anything but sane.” Me being a huge fan of the
show Criminal Minds, was interested
in that and we continued to talk, or mostly he did for a while longer before he
finally remembered the sandwich on his desk and dismissed me so he could get
back to his lunch. In all we talked for well over half an hour, and only about
five minutes of it was the interview.
After leaving the police station, I headed back to my
apartment. I figured John was not up yet, so I stopped by Laura and Morgan’s
apartment. They were both sitting in the living room when I got there, and
Laura asked, “So how did it go?”
I let out a slight laugh and said, “I was in there for
around thirty minutes and it took only five minutes for him to realize what a
load of crap this all was.”
She laughed before Morgan piped in, “I tried to tell Carson
how stupid he was being, but he didn’t listen.”
Am I
hearing that right, “Do what?”
“Carson came by and showed us the post and I said you didn’t
mean anything by it and he was overreacting. Then when he told me he was going
to the police I told him he was being stupid,” she said, “I mean both of them
knew you weren’t going to do anything.”
“You took my side?’ I asked in disbelief.
“Well yeah, they were wrong,” she laughed, and then asked
confused, “Why do you sound so amazed?”
“It is just… I knew John was on my side, was certain that
Hunter was too, and figured Laura would be. But out of all y’all, based on our
history, I figured that you would have been the one all for lynching me.” She
looked at me taken aback, and I finished, “It’s just, you didn’t. You took my
side.”
“Well yeah, they’re wrong.”
I smiled, “I’m glad you see that.”
Laura said, “I mean it was really stupid of them anyways. We
all took your side, and you got rid of them for your last few days.”
It hit me, really for the first time, “You know you’re
right. It’s funny all semester I’ve felt alone, and tried to do everything I
could to protect y’all all, especially John. Zach on the other hand tried his
best to turn y’all against me, and yet when it really came down to it, y’all
all supported me and took my side without me even trying to convince y’all to.
I truly did win.”
“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” said Laura, and Morgan
agreed.
“I never wanted to put you all in the middle of this cluster
fuck. That is why I mostly refrained from talking to any of y’all about it all,
except maybe John. But even then it was mostly just venting. I never tried to
openly persuade y’all to my side, that is why I have never really talked about
what happened. I wanted y’all to see how they were for y’alls self.”
“You’re right,” realized Laura, “So what the hell ever
happened to you and Zach. I’ve heard it from their point of view, but never
yours.”
I laughed, “I guess it want hurt now for y’all to know the
truth,” then proceeded to tell her the story of the joke.
When I was finished she said, “Really, that is nothing like
the version they told me.”
“I figured it wouldn’t be. How far off is it?”
“Not that far off, but they made it sound like you were
talking directly to Zach and intended the joke toward him and everything.
Instead of just openly telling a joke,” she said.
“Nope, nothing like that. So now y’all know what really happened. I’m sorry if I ever
unintentionally caused y’all to be in the middle, but I’ll be damned if I was
going to apologize when he could not even admit he was wrong too.” They both
agreed with me, and I knew I truly had won.
After the past couple of days I had, I deserved a break, so
I spent the rest of the day relaxing. Hunter picked me up and took me to run
some last minute errands before I left. Afterwards we officially lifted his ban
from our appartment and he hung out for the rest of the afternoon. At some
point during the evening, Zach texted John because he had forgot something important and wanted to come by as
‘John’s guest’ to get it. Initially I was completely against it, and demanded he
have a police escort. Then I began to feel bad, about John being in the middle,
and relented at John’s reassurance that it would only be a few minutes. To
avoid a complete catastrophe John made both of us promise not to talk to the
other. When Zach finally did get there, I did not say a word to him, but gave
him the ‘death stare’ the whole time. As time ticked by, while this ass hole
was in my apartment, I began to get pissed. When I heard Zach start to talk
about sports, the visit had shifted from a recovery mission into a social visit
and I was not having it. I started talking to John about “intruders” and how I
would “hate to have to call the police” on them. Zach called my bluff and
remained firmly planted. Therefore, I did the only reasonable thing and
escalated to call his. I got my phone and dialed the number for University
Police and made sure Zach seen it. Just before I pressed send, Zach told John
he would talk to him later and left. I was bluffing again, but he did not know
that. After that, John and I helped on of our neighbors Michelle; take on a
bottle of tequila in preparation for the celebration/send-off on Cinco de Mayo.
The rest of the night, week even, was extremely peaceful and fun.
The next day was even more peaceful, as I spent most of it
packing. That evening Hunter came over and John, him, and I did something that
we had not did in a long time. Hunter brought one of his systems, and we had
one final epic Nintendo Party as, John and I tried to finish off the liquor
from the night before. We barely put a dent in it. The day was finally upon us,
Cinco de Mayo. After spending all day packing, I gave up in the evening to
enjoy the celebration. We had the rest of the tequila and more, and Michelle
came over and cooked tacos. I cannot promise that the following is exact or
even a chronological listing of events, but hopefully you get the general gist
of it. Hunter was there, Laura showed up when the liquor came out, and Morgan
popped in for a bit. We had one epic night, and I got drunker than I had been
in a long time—except maybe the time I got lost in the woods. We made friends
with the neighbors, who none of us had previously met. I disappeared for a
while because I met some people who lived below us who were celebrating. When I
came back, Laura had met a stranger guy from the apartment across from her and
invited him to party with us. Earlier in the semester, this random massive
metal cactus thing had showed up in our apartment one night when our door had
been open because our AC was out and none of us knew where it had come from. As
it turns out, the guy that was now partying with us had gotten tired of his
roommates metal cactus sculpture thingy and seen that our door was open and
stuck it on our coffee table.
After a late start caused by the night before, I spent my
last full day living in Savannah packing up the rest of my non-essential
belongings and moved them to the living room so that I could clean my room. It
took me almost three days, but I had finally finished. All of my non-essential
crap had been neatly packed away and now sat not so neatly in our living room.
For my last night there, I did not want another massive party, a hangover while
moving did not sound well. Instead, I just wanted a quiet and quaint affair, a
couple of friends stop by, we share stories about the good, and not so good,
old days. Essentially, I wanted one epic night of nothing. John bought some
steaks and cooked them for us. Then we finished off the last bit of alcohol in
our apartment, played some cards, watched some television, and then went to bed.
I woke up early the next morning, because I had a lot of
last minute things to do before my mum and brother got there; but finished well
before they arrived. John got up and hung out with me for a little bit before
my mum and brother arrived around noon. Laura and Morgan came over to help me
move, along with John and my brother. John left halfway through loading up,
because Zach and Carson were waiting on him to go to an off-campus bookstore
for buyback and were already bitching. Shortly after John left, Hunter showed
up. It was good to see him one last time before I left for good. I was getting
ready to tell everyone goodbye, when John showed up just in time. I had already
written him a note, but it was nice to be able to properly tell him bye. There
they all stood waving me farewell, my saviors, my friends: John, Hunter, Laura,
and Morgan. If it had not been for each of them, I probably would have left
with a literal bang.
We had barely gotten out of the parking lot when my mum said,
“I thought about contacting Zach’s mom and telling her what he has been up to,
but only if you wanted me to.” It was a nice idea, and would have been sweet
revenge at last for the nightmare he had caused. However, if I chose to do
that, I would only be doing the same thing that they had done. I was
uncomfortable outing him to his family. When he was/is ready that is his choice
to make, not my card to play. However, most of all I just wanted it all to be
over. “No mum, I don’t want you to do that,” I said. I turned around in my seat
and looked out the back window and a mixed wave of relief and sadness flooded over
me as I watched my own personal hell and my home fade into the distance.
Knowing that in the end I came out on top, something that I had once reveled
in, now did little to stifle my lamentation over the family and home that I was
now leaving. I could not help immediately questioning if I had made the right
choice, then I closed my eyes and was comforted by one simple fact that I had
to remind myself of.
Inhale. It’s over. Exhale.
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